THE AGE OF WOMEN

Runyon discusses equality between the sexes.

ALGERNON

Runyon describes a true strongman

ALL HORSE PLAYERS DIE BROKE

An old horse better loses all his money… again.

AMY VEDERMAN

The ugliest girl in town is given one night to be queen. Only one night.

ANCIL TOOMBS

A slacker is nominated for Congress because no one else will run as a democrat, and ends up with a promising career.

ANGEL KAKE

A swindler is beat at his own game.

ANIMAL PSYCHOSIS

Runyon discusses animal psychosis.

ARE YOU A CRACKY?

Ethel and Joe discuss the various crazy people in town.

AROUND WITH A WINCHELL

Runyon insists that his friend has the true “gift of gab.”

ARRIVING PLACES

Ethel plans to travel with Joe in style.

AS BETWEEN FRIENDS

A retired Hobo, now a sheriff of Parkins County, is a victim of a scam laid out by a young hobo (a hobo is a homeless person who travels by catching rides on trains).

AS TIME GOES BY

Runyon’s father discusses growing old.

AT DEAD MULE CROSSING

A mother saves a camp from intruders when they jeopardize her baby’s rest.

AT THE RACES

Joe and Ethel go to the races, where Joe loses and Ethel wins big.

ATTITUDE WHILE EATING

Runyon describes various types of eaters.

BAD LANGUAGE

Ethel criticizes bad language in the theater.

BANKER BEAVERBROOK

A lonely banker seeks refuge in a kind woman from the bad side of town.

BARBECUE

A dishonest fellow tries to turn over a new leaf, but as a result of circumstance ends up as the guilty party in a crime he did not commit.

BARBER’S BUSINESS

Ethel Turp questions the customs of barbers.

BASEBALL HATTIE

An unruly baseball pitcher meets his match in his wife.

BEAUTY CLAY AND BATHROOM SOAP

A married couple attacks each other’s bathroom habits.

BELITTING DAN

Joe learns about the new love in Uncle Dan’s life.

BET RAGLE

A town eccentric kills a man for no real reason. He just thought he should.

BETWEEN TWO GIRLS

Ethel and Joe discuss movies where men must choose between two women.

BIG BOY BLUES

A family is reunited when the son performs as a female ballet dancer in a Broadway production of “Gee Eyes” (a military production).

THE BIG MITTEN

One woman single-handedly brings about the defeat of a District boss who has been stealing elections in her town for years.

BIG SHOULDERS

A man’s daughter wins them over $24,000 when she bets on a football game.

THE BIG UMBRELLA

An ex-king comes to America, becomes a heavyweight boxer and returns to his country to become king again.

BILLION DOLLARS

Ethel ponders the concept of a billion dollars.

A BLACK CAT IS GOOD LUCK

Ethel steals a local brat’s pet cat.

BLONDE MINK

A materialistic girl spends the money set aside for the headstone of her late boyfriend on a rare mink coat. His ghost returns to inquire through a friend why his grave is not complete.

BLOOD PRESSURE

A man with high blood pressure is told he must get rest or risk dying.

BLOODHOUNDS OF BROADWAY

A couple of bloodhounds and their master track down the trail of a killer on Broadway.

BOSWELL VAN DUSEN

A local newspaper owner realizes that kindness just doesn’t work in the business world.

THE BRAIN GOES HOME

A wealthy man is turned away in his time of need by his wife and his mistresses, only to be helped by a poor woman to whom he leaves all his money (which his wife and mistresses so dearly coveted).

THE BRAKEMAN’S DAUGHTER

A young man is set up to be the butt of a practical joke.

BREACH OF PROMISE

An indecisive lawyer ends up marrying the woman he’s been seeing for 16 years.

BRED FOR BATTLE

Two men try to create a heavyweight champion but end up with a wimp.

THE BREED AND THE BALL

A game of baseball brings together a peasant town of coalminers and the aristocratic troop of military men sent to subdue them.

THE BREEZE KID’S BIG TEAR-OFF

A jailed con artist sells his cellmates to a county sheriff.

BROADWAY COMPLEX

A man with a multiple personality complex is manipulated, but in the end wins the girl, fame, and fortune.

BROADWAY FINANCIER

An orphan, working as a dancer, scores three million off a banker. When she realizes it is dishonest money, she returns it.

BROADWAY INCIDENT

The leader of a bridge party cons unhappy wives into killing their husbands to collect the life insurance money. Ambrose Hammer discovers the scam.

BROOKLYN IS ALL RIGHT

A wife retracts her hatred of Brooklyn.

BURGE MCCALL

A patient wife waits for her husband’s attitude to come around.

BURNS THE DEVASTATING

Runyon pays homage to George Burns

BUTCH MINDS THE BABY

A safe robber takes his baby along on his next gig.

CAFÉ SOCIETY

Joe and Ethel try to infiltrate high society.

A CALL ON THE PRESIDENT

A poor Brooklyn man and his wife travel to Washington DC to see the President in hopes of getting their mailman his job back.

CATCHING COLD

Joe’s illness turns him into a laughing stock.

CEMETERY BAIT

A man on death row wants to make sure everyone knows her performed a great act of public service.

“CHARACTERS” ON BROADWAY

Runyon depicts various “colorful” people.

CLEO

An orphaned calf aids in the capture of a notorious spy.

THE COP SAYS GET BACK HERE

Joe and Ethel make enemies with a copy while waiting to see Howard Hughes fly in.

THE COP SAYS TURP TURP TURP

A wife intimidates a young cop out of giving her a ticket.

CORNED BEEF AND CABBAGE NIGHT

Ethel forgets to make corned beef and cabbage on “Corned beef and cabbage night.”

THE CRAWLEYS

Ethel’s Mom gives some good advice and is instantly despised by many.

THE CROWD WAS

The Narrator describes three ways of viewing a sports crowd (through himself and two characters) and the way in which the crowd has evolved over the years.

DANCING DAN’S CHRISTMAS

A man escapes a hit placed on him by the jealous boyfriend of the girl he likes by disguising himself as Santa Claus.

DANGER OF BEING POLITE

A wife insists it is best to be rude.

A DANGEROUS GUY INDEED

A mysterious stranger is deemed “dangerous indeed” until he is confronted by a drunken old man.

DARK DOLORES

A mysterious woman seeks revenge for the death of her mobster husband.

DEATH FOR SOME LAUGHS

Runyon describes a first class hoaxman.

DEATH OF PHAR LAP

Runyon tells the story of a great racehorse.

DEB SINGS WUH WUH WUH

Ethel complains about a singer in a fancy restaurant, and gets a free meal.

DEFENSE OF STRIKERVILLE

A group of discharged military men hired to work for the Colorado State Militia end up defending a town of people the Militia is fighting against.

DELEGATES AT LARGE

Three gangsters go to Chicago to kill a competing beer runner during the prohibition and get caught up in a political convention causing quite a ruckus.

DIAPER DEXTERITY

Runyon discusses changing diapers.

DIET AND EXERCISE

Ethel asks Joe if she should go on a diet, and doesn’t like the answer.

DIETING DAMES

Runyon discusses the reasons that women should not try to lose weight.

DINNER DESPOILERS

Runyon discusses the inconveniences of dining out.

DISCRIMINATING THIEF

Runyon discusses intellectual plagiarism.

DO IT WITH ETIQUETTE

Ethel and Joe make up for years of bad etiquette.

DO YOU LOVE ME?

A wife is upset her husband will not make his affections known.

DOC BRACKETT

A doctor gives his whole life to treating those who can’t afford it.

DOCK MINDLER

A small town politician exercises a humorous abuse of power when people disrespect his girl friend.

DOCTOR DAVENPORT

A doctor’s kindness goes unnoticed. Then he buys a gun.

DOG’S BEST FRIEND

Runyon praises a dog’s loyalty.

DOUBLE LIFE

The Turps are given special attention with the birth of their twins.

DOUBLE TALK

Runyon discusses the art of double talk.

DREAM STREET ROSE

An older lady tells the story of an old friend finally getting revenge. The old friend turns out to be her.

DURANTE’S DIET

Runyon details Jimmy Durante’s career.

DUTCHMAN

Runyon tells the story of the infamous Dutchman.

EARTHQUAKE

A troublesome criminal with great strength is on the run for shooting a cop. During a natural disaster he redeems himself with a heroic action.

EASY GO

A high-rolling gambler mysteriously disappears on a ship.

THE END OF THE WORLD

Joe and Ethel discuss the end of the world.

ETERNAL BLONDE

Two cheating lovers stand trial for the murder of the cheating woman’s husband.

ETHEL AND THE BLONDE THING

Ethel picks a fight with a blonde, and their respective men are forced to fight for their women.

ETHEL ENTERTAINS A CELEBRITY

Joe finds Ethel hosting a bank robber.

ETHEL EXPERIMENTS

Ethel deliberately makes Joe the worst dinner he has ever had.

ETHEL SINGS HUSKY MUSKY DUSKY

Ethel realizes the reason she cannot sing tortured, tormented music is because she is not tortured or tormented.

ETHEL WINS A DOLLAR

Ethel wins an unfair bet with an old man.

ETHEL’S BATHING SUIT

Ethel’s skimpy bathing suit makes Joe miserable.

ETHEL’S DREAM HOUSE

Ethel designs a fantastical (and impossible) dream house.

ETHEL’S LEGS ARE TIRED

A fatigued woman wishes for another economic depression.

ETHEL’S POPS AND JOE’S UNCLE TIM

A wife introduces the idea of smuggling to her husband.

ETHEL’S POPS AND THE DANGED HARD TIMES

Ethel and Joe discuss “the danged hard times” with Ethel’s Pops.

ETHEL’S POPS AND THE MUSTARD PLASTER

Ethel explains to Joe how her father ended up in jail yesterday.

ETHEL’S POPS KNOCKS THE GOVERNMENT

Ethel’s Pops is in trouble for not paying debts.

ETHEL’S SALAD BOWL HAT

The “latest fashion” makes Ethel a nuisance to everyone.

ETHEL’S UNCLE DAN AND WAR

Ethel and Joe discuss an eccentric family relative.

ETIQUETTE

A couple is reunited when proper etiquette is followed.

FALSE IDENTIFICATIONS

Runyon discusses the problem of false identifications in trials.

FASHIONABLE MANNERS

Joe and Ethel argue fashion in a classy nightclub.

FAT FALLON

A most popular military captain and his loyal command are stranded on an adrift ship overnight. Their raucous revelry scares away the enemy.

FATHERLY ADVICE

An embittered father dispenses unsolicited advice to a new father of twins.

FOR A PAL

The love of two best buddies is put to the test when a woman enters the picture.

FORCEFUL REMARKS

Runyon discusses the advantage of physical violence.

FREELOADING ETHICS

Runyon gives advice to freeloaders.

FRIENDLINESS GOES OUT THE WINDOW

Runyon believes it is impossible to play a friendly game of cards.

FRUSTRATED FELLOWS

Runyon defines the frustrated successful man.

GENTLEMEN STAND

Ethel nearly starts a brawl on the subway trying to enforce etiquette.

“GENTLEMEN, THE KING!”

Gangsters are hired by a Duke of an obscure European country to assassinate his King for a large sum of money. When the gangsters discover the king is only a child, they bond with him and in turn take it upon themselves to take out the Duke!

GET THE MONEY

Runyon values financial success over artistic merit.

THE GIFT OF TONGUES

In the crazy hustle and bustle of a busy city, a young woman and a young man find love in a home for the deaf when all they were looking for was peace and quiet.

GOD’S COUNTRY

Joe and Ethel compare their everyday plights to atrocities around the world.

A GOOD CRY

Joe discovers Ethel crying for no reason at all.

GOOD SAMARITAN

Runyon advises that it is best not to be honest when giving advice.

GOOD SPORT

Runyon’s father contends that women are better sports than men.

GRAND NATIONAL

The attraction of the Liverpool Grand National Steeplechase.

GRANDMOTHERS HATE SITTING-IN

A grandmother admits that she does not enjoy watching her grandchildren.

GREAT MAN PASSES BY

Runyon describes Theodore Roosevelt’s funeral.

GREATEST SONG LYRIC WRITER

Runyon pays homage to Clarky.

THE GREATEST HORSE RACE I EVER SAW

The NARRATOR recalls a horse race that he wins 20 to 1 odds as a result of the betting booth attendant giving him the wrong tickets by mistake.

GRUNT GUY

A card game gets intense when a player hears a grunt.

THE HALL MILLS CASE

“The Trial of the Century:” A grizzly double-murder of a rector and church choir-leader in Smalltown, USA.

HANK SMITH

An “American Patriot’s” “battle scars” turn out to be rejections from the opposite sex.

HAPPINESS JONESES

The perfect family inspires the whole town to hate them.

HASH OF A SITUATION

Runyon’s friend recalls the good old days.

HEFTY HOGAN AND BLACK EYE

Ethel offers friendly advice, and reinstates an old grudge of Joe’s.

HOLD ‘EM YALE

Seven gangsters scalping tickets at a football game run into a distraught young lady waiting for a tardy date. They follow her inside, watch the game, end up in a brawl to save the home team’s goal posts, and finally save the young girl from her date… who just happens to be a seedy character they needed to give a good lickin’ to anyway.

HOLE IN THE HORN OF PLENTY

An old man finds himself at a loss for a place to eat when the restaurant he used to dine at burns down.

HOLIDAY HOSPITALITY

A sadist enjoys inviting his friends over for Thanksgiving dinner.

HOME-COOKING (AKA “MOMS ON STRIKE”)

A wife goes on strike after her husband’s secret is revealed.

HOMEMADE

Runyon’s father defines what it means to be “homespun.”

THE HORSE AND BUGGY GOVERNOR LANDON OF KANSAS

A Kansas Governor is noticed when his laws help better the Kansas economy.

THE HOTTEST GUY IN THE WORLD

A wanted criminal saves the life of a baby kidnapped by a gorilla.

HOW DO YOU FEEL

Runyon describes all the hypochondriacs he knows.

HUMORING THE LITTLE WOMEN

Runyon shares his father’s theory on marriage.

THE IDYLL OF MISS SARAH BROWN

An honest gambler struggles to win the love of a mission worker.

IF IT WORKS THE WAY THEY HOPE IT WILL

A new mother shares her fears about war.

INFORMAL EXECUTION OF SOUPBONE PEW

A veteran hobo relates a story of a vengeful execution when the narrator asks him if he has ever killed a man.

THE INSIDIOUS I

Runyon discusses the reasons that one should, or should not, write an autobiography.

IS SINGING NECESSARY?

A wife confesses her disdain for singing in movies.

IS UNCLE DAN A CRACKY?

Joe insists that his uncle-in-law is a crackpot.

IS WRITE RIGHT?

Runyon details the grievances of newspaper owners.

IT COMES UP MUD

A horse owner is kicked out of a track and loses his girl to a rich banker. Justice is served when the banker gets into trouble.The horse owner is compensated for his horse, getting his girl back too.

JEREMIAH ZORE

A terrible man thrives financially, but suffers secretly.

A JEW

Poem heralds the achievements of a brave military man who was Jewish.

A JOB FOR THE MACARONE

A hired assassin is confused when his intended target isn’t the target at all.

JOE TERRACE

A man who killed his wife is arrested when his subliminal confession is published in the town newspaper.

JOHNNY ONE-EYE

A One-eyed kitten helps a wounded man get revenge and commit a good deed before he dies.

JUDGE JOES

An old, wealthy Judge marries a woman 50 years younger than himself.

JUDGE JUGGINS

A hypocritical judge is exempt from the laws he enforces.

KELLY, K.C.

A new recruit learns just who Kelly, KC is.

THE LACEWORK KID

A man very handy with a deck of cards tells a story of how a game of gin rummy helps him and his comrades escape a prison camp during the war.

LADIES IN THE TRENCHES

From one soldier to another, a little advice on what to do in war in case you come across what could be a woman wearing pants and wielding weapons.

THE LADY MEMBER

A conniving Democratic nominee running for senate tries to buy his winning votes from the Republicans.

LARCENOUS LADIES

Joe warns Ethel about the dangers of sketching a dress.

THE LAST OF THE WANDERBUND

A man unsatisfied with his current situation sets out on a trek from NY to San Francisco to satisfy his urge to be on the road again. On the way he comes across many old friends who he convinces to meet him in San Francisco.

LAUGHTER AT THE MOVIES

Mussolini angers Ethel.

THE LAW ELBOWS IN

Runyon tells of the times he and friends have tried to evade the law.

LEAVE THEM AND LOVE THEM

Runyon warns against love letters.

THE LEMON DROP KID

A young man’s horse racing scheme changes his life.

“LET ME EXPLAIN”

Ethel explains her problem with the movies.

A LIGHT IN FRANCE

Three American men, avoiding trouble at home, stir up some trouble for the Germans who occupied a small town in France.

LILLIAN

A drunk/former vaudeville actor finds a passion for life again in the form of a little kitten… and ends up an intoxicated hero upon saving the cat and a boy from his burning building.

THE LILY OF ST. PIERRE

A mobster kills the man who destroyed his one piece of happiness.

LITTLE MISS MARKER

A four-year-old girl is abandoned. An old man takes her in, only to have her catch pneumonia and die.

LIVE AND LET LIVE

Runyon imparts his father’s advice on how to live life.

LIVER AND ONIONS

A wife confronts a movie theater owner for ruining her stockings.

LONELY HEART

A sick lonely man decides to marry a mysterious lonely woman.

LOU LOUDER

A bartender narrowly misses being murdered.

LOUIS-SCHMELING FIGHT

Joe and Ethel attend a boxing match, but both fail to see the fight.

MADAME LA GIMP

Neighborhoods friends help an old woman impress the aristocratic parents of a young man her daughter is planning to marry.

MAGNIFICENT MAMMOM

Runyon discusses the benefits of being wealthy.

“MAMMY” MAN

Runyon praises Al Jolson

MARIGOLD AND MAIDIE SO

Beautiful dreamer lets life pass her by.

MARRIAGE COUNSEL

Runyon’s father dispenses faulty marriage advice.

MAYBE A QUEEN

This is the tragic love story of a girl who does not discover her true love for a man she’s known for many years until it is too late.

MCLOUGHLIN - THE WORLD’S GREATEST TENNIS PLAYER

Biographical piece about Maurice McLoughlin and how he became one of the world’s great tennis players.

MELANCHOLY DANE

A drama critic is saved by an actor on the front lines of WWII in North Africa. The critic returns the favor by reuniting him with the woman he loves and giving him a good review on his version of Hamlet.

MEMOIRS OF SOLDIER

Runyon relates memories from his time in the Philippines during the Spanish-American War.

MOMS ON STRIKE (SEE HOME-COOKING)

A wife goes on strike after her husband’s secret is revealed.

MR. ‘B’ AND HIS STORK CLUB

Runyon gives a description and his opinion of The Stork Club, including its owner and its clientele.

MRS. BOGANE

A woman who has been a servant for 32 years decides to live her final years entirely attended upon.

MRS. DEVIL

Runyon contemplates the character and appearance of Satan’s wife.

MRS. JUDSON

A woman’s husband disappears for 20 years, and returns to find his wife remarried.

MRS. MCGREGOR

A widow reviews her 7 marriages.

MRS. PILPLAY

A widow sets her sights on marrying an elderly provider, only to restore his youth and lose hers.

MY FATHER

A man recalls a summer when his pioneer father and his wife are at odds.

NAILING THE NITWITS

Runyon’s father discusses the nitwitted wife.

NEAT STRIP

A young stripper must hide what she does from her boyfriend’s Mother.

NICE AND QUIET, SHE WAS

Joe and Ethel debate over whether it is possible for a nice person to be interesting.

NICE FELLOW

Ethel tells Joe that he is “a nice fellow.” He is immediately suspicious.

A NICE PRICE

A bet on a boat race leads four hustlers to save the day.

NO USE WHATEVER FOR BANKS

The fattest man in town dies of starvation.

A NO. 1

Runyon discusses a well-known hobo.

THE NOSE OF NEMESIS

A faithful hunting dog moves to NYC with his owner and ends up capturing a wanted criminal.

NOT ON SPEAKING TERMS

Runyon shares his theory about former friends who no longer speak to each other.

NOTHING HAPPENS IN BROOKLYN

Ethel befriends a local criminal.

O, CARELESS LOVE!

Runyon comments on the impossibility of “loving people.”

OFFICER LIPSCOMBER

An honest and compassionate police officer becomes the victim of a con.

THE OLD DOLL’S HOUSE

A prominent Gangster is saved, once from getting knocked off and again in court with an alibi, by an old rich lady.

OLD EM’S KENTUCKY HOME

A man’s love for his horse drives him across country in search of the animal’s roots… a journey that brings enlightenment and reward in the end.

ON ACCUSATION

Everyone is fascinated about juicy details regarding accusations, but very few care about finding out the truth.

ON BEAUTY

Runyon’s father’s painful lesson about how beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

ON COOKING AND FOOD

The Old Man getting into violent confrontations (as usual) with people over his opinions on cooking and food.

ON COWARDICE

Runyon’s father’s physical cowardice has kept him out of serious trouble (like breaking the law), but has prevented him from being a great man.

ON CRYING AND HOLLERING

Men go to great lengths to succeed in the world and Runyon’s father’s only advice is that they shouldn’t cry and holler to get ahead.

ON CUTENESS

Runyon’s father’s advice is that it is not always good to be cute.

ON DOCTORS

Runyon’s father explains why he believes the percentage of scoundrels was less among doctors than in any other profession.

ON GOOD TURNS

His philosophy of why you shouldn’t be mad at someone for trying to do something nice for you just because it didn’t work out.

ON GROWING OLD

A touching story about Runyon’s father’s realization that, “…he’s not as young as he used to be.”

ON HATING

Runyon’s father decides to stop hating people because it is bad for his nerves, stomach and disposition.

ON HOMESPUN FELLOWS

Many people claim to be homespun, but in Runyon’s father’s opinion few are.

ON LIARS

A funny piece about the many different types of liars.

ON LITERATURE

An interesting story about his father’s love of literature and the meaning he found from the Bible’s twenty-third psalm.

ON LOVE AND NITWITS

His Father’s hilarious opinions of how married woman can become “nitwits” and how their husbands contribute or try to cure them.

ON MATRIMONY

Having contests and prizes for successful married couples, thereafter the winners teach less successful couples their secrets.

ON MRS. AND MR.

Runyon’s FATHER compares marriage to a successful business partnership.

ON NICE FELLOWS

Why Runyon’s father believes that the nice fellows are responsible for the troubles that beset humanity.

ON PARENTS

You are either born with great parenting skills or you’re a bad parent no matter what you do.

ON PARTNERSHIPS

Finding the perfect business partner is a lot like finding the perfect spouse.

ON PENSIONS

Runyon claims his father was the first person to discuss old age pensions and how he thinks they should work.

ON PETTINESS

It’s human nature to have pleasure in hearing about the trouble of others, but it’s also human nature to go out of your way pretending it isn’t.

ON PREACHERS

His father explains why he respects Preachers and why they should take on other professions as well.

ON SAYINGS

A biting satire attacking the validity of sayings like, “everything happened for the best,” and more.

ON SINNERS

The Old Man talks about what he believes the consequences should be for non-violent and violent sins.

ON SNOBS

The worst kinds of snobs come from new money.

ON SPENDING

Spending or saving money is purely instinctive you’re either an ant or a grasshopper.

ON SUICIDE

Runyon’s Father’s thoughts about ending your own life.

ON TEETERING

Runyon’s father reveals why people think he has such a great mind for politics and how he gets free drinks.

ON THE DEAR DEPARTED

A dark satire about breaking the tradition of speaking only good of the dead, even when they weren’t any good alive.

ON THE MALE GOSSIP

Why men are bigger gossips and tattle-tales than women.

ON TRUTH

After becoming the pioneer gossip columnist, Runyon’s father realizes his greatest disillusionment, that “…folks do not like the truth.”

ON WINDBAGS

Runyon’s father explains how a windbag, that rambles on all day, can become known as a great writer or statesman.

ONE OF THOSE THINGS

A man loses a lot of money when a rigged fight goes awry.

ONE SECONDER KISS

Ethel interprets Joe’s brief kisses as a sign of diminishing love.

THE ONLY ANSWER

Ethel ambushes Joe with a series of petty questions.

“OO-OO-OO!”

A wife is terrified by radio programs, but keeps listening.

ORIGIN OF AN URGE

An impecunious Runyon makes an extravagant purchase.

OUR OLD MAN

An old man explains why he lives his life by the motto “Never Blame the Booster for what the sucker does.”

OUT WITH HER

Men should discuss their disagreeable wives amongst themselves.

PALM BEACH SANTA CLAUS

A hired Santa turns an annual Christmas party upside down.

PETE HANKINS

A taxi driver in New York tries to preserve his morals.

PETER CHOWLES

A barber enacts a comedic but effective revenge on a man who has seduced his wife.

PHOOEY AND LOUIE

Phooey Pigeon impersonates Louie the Stork.

PICK THE WINNER

A horse gambler loses his fiancée of tehn years to be a Professor at a horse track in Miami.

A PIECE OF PIE

Two friends must get a substitute eater or risk losing $10,000.

PLAYING THE FREEDOM GAME

Runyon discusses freedom of speech and freedom of worship.

PLEASING THE WIFE

Runyon’s father believes it proper for men to spend money on their wives.

POOL ROOM INTELLIGENTSIA

Runyon discusses the virtues of a pool hall education.

PRINCESS O’HARA

A young woman falls on hard times after taking over her father’s business, but then finds romance.

PROTECTIVE MALE

Runyon defends a man’s protective instinct.

PUNCHES FROM THE PULPIT

Runyon lauds Billy Sunday for his ability to simplify the complexities of language in the Bible.

THE PURE OF HEART

Runyon’s father outlines the virties of churchgoers.

QUINS

Ethel expresses her desire to have quintuplets.

RANSOM… $1,000,000

During a time when money is scarce everywhere, some old school gangsters kidnap a twenty-two year old rowing jock from Yale worth one million dollars. There is a struggle with the new school gangsters over the million while a romance builds between the jock and the old school gangster’s daughter.

THE RAP

Joe’s rapping on a counter sends Ethel into a rage.

RED FOX JACKET

Ethel manipulates Joe into buying her a red fox jacket.

REUNION ON BROADWAY

Runyon is reunited with his old friends in a New York restaurant.

THE RIGHT GOOD-LOOKING GIRL

A bank robber stops short in his tracks at the sight of a right good-looking girl.

ROMANCE IN THE ROARING FORTIES

A young bridegroom’s wedding is a bust when his secret is revealed.

ROPE TRICKS

Runyon tells of his friend’s botched suicide attempt.

ROSE BY ANY OTHER NAME

Joe and Ethel Turp try to name their twins.

SAM CRABLE

A man’s theory on the human conscience is tested and fails.

SAMUEL GRAZE

A Young woman murders her abusive husband.

SCAB

A new father receives complaints after he starts taking care of his twins.

SENSE OF HUMOR

A jokester, targeted by a mobster, is able to turn the tables.

SHALL I RETURN

Runyon makes a bet that can be won after death.

SHARING SECRETS

Husband loses money as he prevents his wife from sharing a secret.

SHE’S A DREAMER

Ethel has a terrible dream.

SHEBA AND HIGH SOCIETY

Runyon tries to use a cat to get his foot in the door.

SHERIFF HARDING

A young sheriff must make the choice between the ideals he is sword to uphold, and the well being of his friend.

SHOOTING OF DUDE MCCOY

An old rivalry is resolved when the wrong gun is used.

SHORT PANTS

Ethel and Joe discuss why one should wear pants.

SINGLE TRACK MIND

Runyon thinks marriage should be entered into only for reasons of convenience.

SITUATION WANTED

A young man is able to marry the woman he loves after he returns from Spain.

SLEDGY’S JOINT

Runyon describes Sledgy Weinberg’s career.

A SLIGHT CASE OF MURDER

An ex-racketeer, now a legitimate brewer, unknowingly gets involved with a robbery of a large sum of money when he and his family arrive at a rental house for the horseracing season. Still adjusting to his new lifestyle, he also has to come to terms with his daughter’s engagement to a state trooper, and find a way to pay off his mortgage on his brewery before the bankers take it away from him.

SMOKING LADIES

Runyon deciphers female smokers.

THE SNATCHING OF BOOKIE BOB

Three gangsters kidnap a bookie in the hopes to pay off their debts and make a little cash. The bookie, realizing their weakness for gambling, swindles them into even more debt before they can claim the ransom.

SO YOU WON’T TALK

A replacement parrot solves a murder.

SOBBING SYSTEM

Runyon’s father outlines the various ways to get ahead in life.

SOCIAL ERROR

In his attempts to impress a woman, a tough guy goofs up.

SOME GOOD ADVICE

Joes’ good advice to a friend backfires.

SPIRIT OF THE WEST

A monument is built in a small western town to honor the “spirit of the west.” The sculptor saw it as an Indian; where as the populace of the area saw it as something much whiter.

SPORTS ARE HYPOCRITES

Ethel and Joe debate the ethics of sportsmanship.

STERLING CURLEW

A Jealous husband loses everything in an effort to keep his unfaithful wife.

A STORY GOES WITH IT

The narrator is tipped about a horse but does not take the tip because of the story that goes with it… which is a far-fetched love story. It ends up being true.

STRANGE STORY TOUGH-GUY SAMMY SMITH

A son’s love for his mother is unshakable.

SUCH INTERESTING PEOPLE

Runyon claims that there is no such thing as a completely uninteresting person.

THE SUNNY SOUTH

On a drive south, Ethel manages to nearly offend everyone.

SWEET SILENCE

Runyon discusses the virtue of not saying anything.

THE TALE OF SNEAKY THE GERM

Runyon describes Sneaky the Germ’s family.

TALKING TURKEY

Runyon does not like turkey.

TEETERING BACK ON HER HEELS

A woman gets ill from helping an elderly man.

THAT EVER-LOVING WIFE OF HYMIE

A horse trainer races an old horse who everyone believes is sure to lose. The horse wins rewarding him with money and redefining the commitment of his not so faithful wife.

THAT’S POLITICS

Runyon’s father discusses misrepresentations made during political elections.

THERE ARE LIMITATIONS

Runyon catalogues activities that he is unable to perform.

THE THIN LINE

Runyon shares his father’s views on communicating with the dead.

THE THREE WISE GUYS

On a winter night three guys go look for a gripsack of money hidden in a barn outside of town. They find a pregnant woman who needs their help.

TIGHT SHOES

A young man, fired from his job, becomes a political activist.

TIME TO THINK

Runyon’s father discusses the benefits of being ill.

TITANIC TODD

Runyon gives the profile of a rags-to-riches theatrical producer.

TOBIAS THE TERRIBLE

A small town guy comes to New York seeking a reputation with which to impress his sweetheart back home.

THE TOLERANT FEW

Runyon’s father discusses what it means to be tolerant.

TOM IS A LITTLE SNUG

A couple separates over a mink coat.

TOO MUCH PEP

A mobster is put in his place by an assassin from the home country (Italy).

A TOUGH AUDIENCE FOR UNDERWEAR

Ethel complains about the movies.

A TOUGH TOWN ON DOGS

Runyon discusses the state of dogs in New York City.

TRIAL OF THE CENTURY

Runyon’s brief opinion on the Hauptmann Trial.

TRIALS OF TRANSPORTATION

Runyon tells of many hobo-related myths.

TRIPPING OVER TRIVIA

Runyon resolves to be less particular.

THE TWILIGHT OF THE GANGSTER

Runyon has an interview with the police commissioner about the character of the modern gangster (in 1933).

TWO FACE

Ethel accuses Joe of being a “Two-face.”

TWO GAMBLERS

Runyon tells the story of two well-known gamblers.

TWO MEN NAMED COLLINS

During an escape attempt, a cowardly soldier turned prisoner is killed by the soldier who despises him.

TWO TALES OF LOUIE THE STORK

Louie the Stork gets into trouble when he makes a few wrong deliveries.

UNCLE DAN AND THE SPIES

Ethel’s uncle Dan declares that he wants to hunt for spies.

UNCLE DAN AND THE FAN DANCER

Uncle Dan is beaten senseless by goons for harassing a fan dancer.

UNCLE DAN AND THE TWINS

A pair of baby twins receives a lot of attention when they visit a bar.

UNCLE DAN & ALLIGATORS

Ethel causes trouble by sending baby alligators to relatives.

UNCLE DAN CELEBRATES

A friendly gathering turns into a riot when a toast goes awry.

UNCLE DAN HOLLERS ABOUT LOVE

A man is accused of disturbing the pace while babysitting.

UNCLE DAN, UNION ORGANIZER

A holiday Santa hopes to find solidarity among his fellow Santas.

UNCOMMON GENIUS

Runyon distinguishes between talent and genius.

UNDERTAKER SONG

A stalker meets his demise at a football game.

UNITED KINGDOM CUVEE

Ethel and George try to understand the upper class.

A VERY HONORABLE GUY

A broke monbster sells his body to pay off his debts.

THE WAY OF ALL FOOD

Runyon catalogues the big eaters he knows.

WE CAN TIE THAT

Runyon discusses the art of bow tying.

WEATHERING IT

Joe is told to never discuss the weather again.

WEDDING ANNIVERSARY

Joe and Ethel celebrate their anniversary, despite jealous lovers and fist-fights.

WHAT IS OOMPH?

Ethel and Joe argue over what it means to have “Oomph.”

WHAT, NO BUTLER?

A drama critic and the narrator are enlisted to help solve a murder.

WIND STORM

Runyon details the vices of being verbose.

THE WISDOM OF NOT BEING WISE

Runyon discusses the benefits of being unwise.

THE WOMAN BOSS OF DENVER

Anna Margaret Scott plays hardball with the men of politics.

THE WOOING OF NOSEY GILLESPIE

A woman is unpleasantly shocked when she is scorned by her lover.

WRITTEN IN SICKNESS

Eight one to two page stories or poems about the pains of being ill and growing old.

YOU KNOW THEM WHEN THEY’RE HUNGRY

Runyon’s father suggests adversity is the best means to truly know a person.

YOU MUST NOT TRUST

Runyon warns against trusting anyone.

YOUR NEIGHBOR, THE GAMBLER

Runyon explores the underground world of gambling.